[It's not an easy question to answer. He's not sure how much he actually likes this world, despite its upsides. It's certainly far better than a dead Earth, and maybe better than Sanctum, but it has its own problems.
He sighs, catching Murphy's hand and lacing their fingers together.]
I want our people to be safe. I miss our friends.
[Which isn't quite an answer, but—]
If we were trapped here and I knew they were happy back home, I could figure out a way to deal with that.
[But that's the problem—they have no idea if their friends are safe. He has no idea if Octavia is okay.]
[ So that's why Bellamy's so resistant to even the suggestion of settling here. There's a twinge of guilt as Murphy once more regrets saying anything, trying to talk Bellamy out of his hope. ]
They were happy and safe the last time I saw them.
[ With Clarke as Sanctum's dictator, who knows how long that would last? But it's something to hold on to. ]
[The truth is, Bellamy prefers hard truths over pleasant lies. He'd rather hear Murphy's theories, even if they aren't optimistic. And while his reassurance doesn't allay all of Bellamy's concerns, he's still grateful for it.]
I hope they stay that way. What about you? If you had the choice?
[ That theory isn't just a theory. It's a fear. What would he do if he returned to Sanctum only to find he'd never left it? He sure as hell wouldn't welcome a redundant copy of himself with open arms. Part of him hopes they never find a way out of this world, because he can't bear to confront that reality. Or worse: to discover he's already dead. ]
I'd stay here.
[ The illusion of a life is better than nothing. ]
[It's not like Bellamy begrudges him for that answer. Even with its dangers, they're safer in New Amsterdam than they ever were on the ground. Minus the shrines and shady corporations, they're living almost normal lives. Of course Murphy wants that. Bellamy would let himself want that more honestly if it didn't feel like a betrayal to his sister and the others.
Except there's something in the way Murphy says it, the way he doesn't really elaborate, that makes Bellamy think he means something else too, and his heart twists. He's quiet for a second, fingers combing through Murphy's hair.]
Clarke might be right. Maybe there's a way to get everyone here.
[Admittedly, he knows Clarke is doubting her own plan now, too.]
[ Murphy's sense of self-preservation might be slipping, because he's already taking an awful lot of risks with his heart. If he was a little smarter, he'd leave first and never have to face the moment when Bellamy chooses to go back to his old life.
Instead he's staying here. Like an idiot. Leaning into Bellamy's touch to accept his reassurance. ]
[But they're even here, because a part of Bellamy is expecting that Murphy will eventually be the one to go back to his old life if they're reunited with everyone again. He isn't even upset with Murphy for it. It seems like an inevitability. All he can really do is savor this while he can.]
[ Murphy pulls their joined hands to his mouth and kisses Bellamy's fingers, a fresh wave of gratitude coursing through him. He intends to live in this moment, too. For so many reasons, it's impossible to tell how many more nights they'll have together.
His other hand cups the back of Bellamy's neck, urging him closer to meet his lips. ]
[It doesn't take much urging. Bellamy closes the distance between them to kiss Murphy softly, affection bubbling up all over again. He can't help but wonder how different things would have gone between them on the ground if they'd had the empathy bond all along, if they'd understood what was driving each other from the very beginning.]
[ That's a question Murphy tries not to ask himself. His emotions are poisonous enough that he's not sure any bond would have spared him, just like he's not sure he'll be shown any mercy in this world. One wrong move and the noose is back around his neck.
What he knows is that Bellamy seems to have forgiven him for now. And for now, they're safe together. That's as good as it gets for Murphy.
His lips part against Bellamy's mouth, inviting him to deepen the kiss. They don't have to sit here being miserable all night just because of a little disagreement over betraying everyone they know. ]
[It's fine. It's an idea, not a reality, even if Bellamy hates it. They'll figure something else out. For now, all he cares about is pulling Murphy closer, getting him to forget his fear and uncertainty for a little while.
Bellamy shifts, turning towards Murphy fully, freeing his hand to cup Murphy's cheek.]
[ Good, because forgetting his fear and uncertainty is exactly what Murphy wants to do. His hands slide down Bellamy's chest, fingers snagging on the hem of his shirt and reeling him in. He wants Bellamy on top of him. It's a good trust exercise. ]
[He follows the motion instinctively, momentum tipping them both over. Bellamy catches himself with his arm, keeping his full weight off Murphy, and laughs quietly, their noses brushing, heat and surprise rushing through him.]
[ Murphy makes way for Bellamy to settle in nicely between his legs, thighs hugging his hips on either side. He gives Bellamy an impish smile as his fingers sneak under his shirt to run slowly over the ridges of his abs. He will never get tired of hearing Bellamy say that. ]
Yeah, this isn't such a bad way to spend the afterlife.
[ There are certainly much worse. He radiates desire in answer to Bellamy's, hands coming to rest over the source of his glow, and catches his lips again. ]
[He does settle, easing a bit of his weight down so Murphy is half pinned. Murphy's comment is almost flippant, nearly enough to pull Bellamy up short, but... Is there really any point to digging into that further right now? Will it actually help Murphy? Maybe this is what he really needs—a reminder that Bellamy is here with him.
So he lets it go and kisses Murphy back, long and lingering.]
[ Murphy senses that disturbance, and he's not about to let Bellamy fall into that hole, either. He was kidding (sort of) and yes, kissing him is far more important. His tongue sneaks into Bellamy's mouth for a soothing caress while his fingers gather up Bellamy's shirt, before he breaks away to tug it off. ]
[It's easy enough to redirect his focus. Somehow, Murphy manages to have that effect on him in a way Bellamy hasn't fully figured out yet. When he starts getting into his own head, Murphy has a way of pulling him out. He's found himself seeking it out more and more.
Which is why, when Murphy pulls away, Bellamy lets out a quiet sound of complaint until he realizes what he's doing. As soon as the shirt is over his head and tossed aside, he leans back down to kiss Murphy again, needier this time.]
[ Murphy takes Bellamy's face in his hands to draw him back in, meeting him for that hungry kiss. No need to worry, his mouth assures Bellamy's. He'll get what he needs. He won't be denied.
Reaffirming that assurance, Murphy's back arches and his hips rock up in an unhurried grind against Bellamy. He wants Bellamy to feel his arousal, through the bond and outside of it, welcoming and encouraging him to pursue what he wants. It's not selfish when Murphy wants it, too. ]
[He's rewarded with a renewed wave of lazy heat as their hips grind together. Whatever discomfort or anxiety Bellamy had left is fading fast, crowded out by the softness of Murphy's lips on his and the press of their bodies together.
When they break for air, Bellamy murmurs softly against Murphy's mouth.]
[ If only because moving to the bed would require a few extra seconds of separation and Murphy's not willing to make the sacrifice right now. He closes the breath of space between them, pulling Bellamy back into the kiss. ]
[Bellamy is more than happy to oblige, deepening the kiss, his heart skipping a beat in that pleasant little way that always seems to happen with Murphy now. He slips his hand under the hem of Murphy's shirt, fingers trailing lightly up his side.]
[ That sends a shiver up his spine that's echoed in the way his body presses closer to Bellamy's. His hands slip in their hold, fingers grazing Bellamy's throat before he lets his arms drop away. The way they're stretched over Murphy's head will make it easier to undress him, but it's also an especially submissive pose, the way he'd look if he were surrendering his wrists to be tied.
And that's not an accident. He's not in charge, this time. He can be vulnerable for Bellamy. He wants Bellamy to feel his guard go down. For him. ]
[It's impossible to mistake it for anything else, and Bellamy hesitates for just a second before slipping Murphy's shirt up over his head.
Then all he can do is pause, taking in Murphy below him, biting his lip. His hand cups Murphy's cheek, then slides down, fingers tracing over his chest, over his abs, lingering at every little scar and mark. He realizes his heart rate is ratcheting up, realizes how clear his adoration must be through the bond. He's glad Murphy can feel it.
Bellamy reaches up, one hand catching Murphy's wrists above his head, gentle but firm, then finally leans back down to catch Murphy's lips with his.]
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He sighs, catching Murphy's hand and lacing their fingers together.]
I want our people to be safe. I miss our friends.
[Which isn't quite an answer, but—]
If we were trapped here and I knew they were happy back home, I could figure out a way to deal with that.
[But that's the problem—they have no idea if their friends are safe. He has no idea if Octavia is okay.]
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They were happy and safe the last time I saw them.
[ With Clarke as Sanctum's dictator, who knows how long that would last? But it's something to hold on to. ]
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I hope they stay that way. What about you? If you had the choice?
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I'd stay here.
[ The illusion of a life is better than nothing. ]
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[He says it quietly. He can guess all the reasons why Murphy would, but he wants to hear them.]
Why?
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[ And he would clarify that, maybe, but Bellamy's already making plans to leave, so it's probably best left unsaid. ]
Too much to risk losing it.
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Except there's something in the way Murphy says it, the way he doesn't really elaborate, that makes Bellamy think he means something else too, and his heart twists. He's quiet for a second, fingers combing through Murphy's hair.]
Clarke might be right. Maybe there's a way to get everyone here.
[Admittedly, he knows Clarke is doubting her own plan now, too.]
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[ Murphy's sense of self-preservation might be slipping, because he's already taking an awful lot of risks with his heart. If he was a little smarter, he'd leave first and never have to face the moment when Bellamy chooses to go back to his old life.
Instead he's staying here. Like an idiot. Leaning into Bellamy's touch to accept his reassurance. ]
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[But they're even here, because a part of Bellamy is expecting that Murphy will eventually be the one to go back to his old life if they're reunited with everyone again. He isn't even upset with Murphy for it. It seems like an inevitability. All he can really do is savor this while he can.]
Guess I'll have to do it for the both of us.
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His other hand cups the back of Bellamy's neck, urging him closer to meet his lips. ]
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What he knows is that Bellamy seems to have forgiven him for now. And for now, they're safe together. That's as good as it gets for Murphy.
His lips part against Bellamy's mouth, inviting him to deepen the kiss. They don't have to sit here being miserable all night just because of a little disagreement over betraying everyone they know. ]
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Bellamy shifts, turning towards Murphy fully, freeing his hand to cup Murphy's cheek.]
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I'm glad you're here, Murphy. Backups or not.
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Yeah, this isn't such a bad way to spend the afterlife.
[ There are certainly much worse. He radiates desire in answer to Bellamy's, hands coming to rest over the source of his glow, and catches his lips again. ]
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So he lets it go and kisses Murphy back, long and lingering.]
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Which is why, when Murphy pulls away, Bellamy lets out a quiet sound of complaint until he realizes what he's doing. As soon as the shirt is over his head and tossed aside, he leans back down to kiss Murphy again, needier this time.]
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Reaffirming that assurance, Murphy's back arches and his hips rock up in an unhurried grind against Bellamy. He wants Bellamy to feel his arousal, through the bond and outside of it, welcoming and encouraging him to pursue what he wants. It's not selfish when Murphy wants it, too. ]
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When they break for air, Bellamy murmurs softly against Murphy's mouth.]
Bed?
[Or here? He's not picky.]
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[ If only because moving to the bed would require a few extra seconds of separation and Murphy's not willing to make the sacrifice right now. He closes the breath of space between them, pulling Bellamy back into the kiss. ]
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And that's not an accident. He's not in charge, this time. He can be vulnerable for Bellamy. He wants Bellamy to feel his guard go down. For him. ]
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Then all he can do is pause, taking in Murphy below him, biting his lip. His hand cups Murphy's cheek, then slides down, fingers tracing over his chest, over his abs, lingering at every little scar and mark. He realizes his heart rate is ratcheting up, realizes how clear his adoration must be through the bond. He's glad Murphy can feel it.
Bellamy reaches up, one hand catching Murphy's wrists above his head, gentle but firm, then finally leans back down to catch Murphy's lips with his.]
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