inbox.

[reproached]

@john.murphy | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

Comments

@bellamy.blake | the day after all those fun talks

[jettisons]

Give me a reason why you didn't tell me about Octavia.

[reproached]

because i didn't want to

[jettisons]

You were the one going on about trust and family, and you gave me less than half the story. I'm sick of both of you jerking me around.

[reproached]

i said i'd tell you more later

i didn't think there was a pressing need to reveal your sister's a monster

@bellamy.blake

[jettisons]

You got a minute?

[reproached]

whatever it is i didn't do it

[jettisons]

Guilt conscience, Murphy?

@julian.bashir

[frontierbashir]

Hello John, I wanted to check on you to see how you were feeling.

[reproached]

oh hey doc

i'm doing super

thanks for the patch up

[frontierbashir]

Glad to hear it.

I do have a minor favor to ask for a project that should hopefully benefit you in the future.

I plan to study Nightblood, mainly for the purposes of ensuring we have a backup supply should you, Clarke or Lexa need it. However, an important point was brought up. It seems that people from where you're from aren't sure if artificial Nightblood is the same as that from someone born with it.

Once I have access to more laboratory equipment, I would like to ask you for a sample of your blood to study, if you're willing. I've obtained consent from Clarke and Lexa as well.

action! after rey's riverstone post

[jettisons]

[Bellamy spends probably too much time trying to talk sense into Rey, and the entire thing leaves him frustrated and wrung out. His worry about Octavia never really left, no matter how minute the chance that she's still here is, and everything about this crap just cranks that up tenfold. Eventually, he just gives up, and while he's certain he knows how Clarke and Murphy feel, he's surprised when Murphy doesn't actually speak up in the post.

It doesn't take any effort to find him. Bellamy steps out of the bedroom and Murphy's on the couch with that slightly glazed look in his eyes, the hallmark of using the implant. He crosses the room to join him, shoulder pressing gently into Murphy's when he sits.]

Hey. You see Rey's post?

[reproached]

[ Murphy blinks, pulling his attention off the network (for what might be the first time in over an hour) and directing it to Bellamy instead. ]

Yeah, I was just looking at it.

[ Which probably explains his drawn expression. He rubs at his eyes like he's clearing away a nightmare. ]

[jettisons]

[Ah, yep. That explains why Murphy wasn't being his usual opinionated self. Just as the empathy bond's become so automatic with Clarke, Bellamy reaches for Murphy's hand without thinking about it.]

You okay?

action! after that dream thread :*

[jettisons]

[Bellamy doesn't come back home or contact Murphy until late that night. Part of it is because of work, sure, but the bigger reason is that he's trying to work this whole thing out in his head, and he's not sure it would be welcome anyway.

The takeaway, from where he stands, is that Murphy doesn't trust him. He trusts him so little that he's afraid enough to sell the rest of the Displaced out. Maybe Bellamy shouldn't be surprised—not after the hanging, not after the banishment, not after the bunker. Despite Bellamy's attempt to hear him out, he'd just made things worse.

So where does that leave them? He's not sure. Murphy still feels like the lowest on the totem pole, and Bellamy doesn't know how to fix it. Maybe the version of him that lived on the Ring for six years, experienced whatever the hell he did up there, would be able to manage it easily. Maybe it isn't that Murphy doesn't trust Bellamy at all—maybe it's that he doesn't trust the version of him he's stuck with here.

When he gets home, he's still mulling over it. There's a sort of restrained disconcerted energy about him when he finds Murphy.]

Can we talk?

[reproached]

[ If Murphy really didn't trust Bellamy, he wouldn't be here. Yes, there is the part of him that's screaming to run, the part that can't forget every time he's been tied up and tortured and locked away. That part will always be there. But he's not listening to it, is he? He's ignoring every single damn survival instinct he has just to be here when Bellamy comes home, even though he knows he'll regret it.

He's sitting on the floor next to the missing wall, staring through a gap in the tarp at the city lights shimmering below. He turns his head when Bellamy speaks, but not far enough to look at him. ]

Go ahead.

[jettisons]

[Off to a good start. Bellamy moves to join him, but doesn't sit. He just crosses his arms, staring out over the city.]

Let's say they grab all of us. How do you think that will go for you? How will it play out?

action!

[evocation]

[It's a slow enough shift that Kyna is spending more time in back than usual. She and Murphy don't have much to do, and so she's bugging him quite a bit, popping in to sneak food from the line. Their increased proximity means it's almost impossible not to notice how he looks at her when he thinks he's not paying attention. She's picked up on it before, but it was always so brief and inconsistent that she was able to brush it off. Now, it feels glaring.

So she slips behind the line, giving him a nudge with her elbow as she snatches a cherry tomato from one of the wells.]

What? Did I spill something on myself?

[reproached]

[ Oh, oops. Murphy ducks his head far too late to be convincing about it. He's cleaning up a bit while things are slow, and now he seems to especially focused on the task of wiping down the counter - a task which requires very little focus at all. ]

Nope. I'm just zoning out.

[evocation]

Liar.

[She says it cheerfully, apparently completely unbothered by the possibility of him staring.]

If you were zoning out, what were you zoning out about?

hey u

[jettisons]

[Bellamy wakes up before Murphy does, of course. It means he goes through the utter disorientation of dying on the Volary floor and opening his eyes to find himself back in bed as though nothing happened, and has to scramble to put the pieces together alone. Clarke helps, because of course she does. She always does. But Bellamy doesn't head to Red Wings. He can', not when Murphy isn't back yet. The thought of Murphy dying and finding himself alone is horrific when Bellamy knows all too well how afraid of death he is.

So he stays, and paces, going back and forth, back and forth, between the bedroom and the living area, nervous energy and worry shoving his own trauma to the back of his mind. All he can do is hope that it's quick, and make sure he's here.]

[reproached]

[ It isn't quick. Losing Bellamy is only the first of many tortures Murphy is forced to endure before his heart gives out. The harrowing process of Strange's retaliation is a hell that makes the one he's always feared seem tepid in comparison, although that still doesn't make death feel like a mercy when it finally comes.

Murphy wakes up screaming, scrambling across the bed until his back hits the wall, thrashing and kicking at the blankets like there's a chance they'll come after him. He throws his arms up and hugs his head, shrinking and hiding behind his knees. He has no idea whether he's out or whether he's only been catapulted into the next level of Strange's psychic judgment day. Any second now, he's sure, the hammer will fall. ]

[jettisons]

[He's in the living room when he hears the scream. Maybe he couldn't be in the room when Murphy came back. Maybe that's some strange rule, but he makes it back into the bedroom in record time. Seeing Murphy curled up, as though desperately trying to protect himself, rips Bellamy's heart out.]

Hey, hey. I'm here.

[It comes out rough, and Bellamy kneels next to the bed, reaching out to brush his fingers against Murphy's arm, safely over the fabric.]

@bellamy.blake

[jettisons]

Hey. You working tonight?

[reproached]

i'm off early

[jettisons]

Good. I'll walk you home.