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[reproached]

@john.murphy | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

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[jettisons]

Then they'd need one for me, too.

[There's no way Bellamy would let them get to Murphy without taking him out first. But—]

I don't think anyone is going to be interesting in putting each other on trial.

[reproached]

Really? Because in my experience, nothing boosts morale more than a good old-fashioned execution.

[ Murphy's not particularly comforted by the idea of Bellamy swinging from the gallows along with him, but it's not going to be an issue. Clarke would never let Bellamy do something so stupid. ]

[jettisons]

Things don't work here the way they did back home.

[reproached]

You're right. The Arena was so much flashier than anything we put on back home. Really added a spicy kick to the jus drein jus daun.

[jettisons]

Murphy.

[It comes out soft and insistent, his thumb tracing Murphy's jawline.]

Listen to me. Whatever happens, we'll deal with it together. Right now, we don't even know how people will react to you.

[reproached]

[ Murphy shakes his head, pulling away from that touch. ]

Why would anyone forgive me?

[jettisons]

[Bellamy exhales, disappointed, but lets him move away.]

Nothing was normal for any of us there. We all know how this place screws with our heads.

[It's happened time and time again. The Aerie was just the most all-encompassing example of it. But—]

Is this about you thinking you don't deserve it?

[reproached]

[ Murphy shuts his eyes and takes a breath, caught somewhere between the honest truth and what Bellamy wants to hear. When he looks at Bellamy again, a light has gone out in him. Who is he kidding? ]

You know, for a long time I thought people couldn't see me. That that was the reason they hated me, because they just didn't know the real me.

It's the other way around, isn't it? You knew what kind of person I was the first time you looked at me. Telling myself I was better than that... I'm the one who never wanted to see what was really there.

[jettisons]

[He prefers the honesty, even if it twists his heart up. But this, at least, is something he can understand intimately. How many times has he been afraid that his choices aren't mistakes, but who he really is?]

We screwed up, there and back home. But we're trying, Murphy. We aren't the same people we were when we got to the ground. That has to count for something.

[reproached]

You're not the same person, maybe.

[ Murphy, on the other hand, is terminally consistent. Dependably undependable. A perpetual pariah. ]

No, I don't deserve forgiveness. I'm not asking for it. I'd have to pretend I'll be better or do better, and we both know I won't, so what's the point?