inbox.

[reproached]

@john.murphy | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

Comments

[reproached]

Oh, is that why.

[jettisons]

What's that supposed to mean?

[reproached]

I mean, you two shacked up for a couple years toward the end. Was that not the plan all along?

[jettisons]

[After everything Bellamy's heard in the last twenty-four hours, this shouldn't even phase him, but nope. His face is pure shock.]

We what?

[reproached]

Don't ask me for the details. I didn't watch.

[jettisons]

Thanks for the privacy.

[That couldn't be more sarcastic if he tried.]

Anything else I missed? Did you and Harper get married while I wasn't looking?

[reproached]

Monty would've poisoned me a second time if I tried it.

[jettisons]

What'd you do to deserve it the first time?

[reproached]

He said it was an accident, but you know Monty. The shadiest among us.

[jettisons]

Yeah, that definitely sounds like Monty. [More sarcasm.] How much were you complaining?

[reproached]

Only constantly.

[jettisons]

Then you deserved it.

[reproached]

Ouch.

[jettisons]

[Bellamy smirks. It's what you get, Murphy!]

Looks like you and Clarke managed to survive a night together, too.

[reproached]

Almost didn't.

[ ...He should clarify. ]

Stay, I mean. But she didn't want me to disappear again, so she wouldn't let me leave.

[jettisons]

She cares about you, you know. She wants you to stay safe.

[reproached]

I know.

[ For all the fear and the uncertainty about what will happen if she ever finds out what he's hiding, there's no doubt that right now what Clarke wants is to protect him. She seems to need, more than anything, for their little unit to remain close and cohesive. And honestly, Murphy needs that, too. ]

Wasn't sure there was any point in sticking around if you weren't.

[jettisons]

[Bellamy considers that, considers Murphy for a moment.]

Yeah? And why's that?

[reproached]

[ Murphy scoffs. That he has to ask... ]

She's not my home, Bellamy.

[jettisons]

[He should have known the reason why, but the truth is, it's one thing to hear about how close he and Murphy had become from Clarke, and another thing entirely to experience it. He knows that's not something Murphy would say lightly, and it's not something Bellamy takes lightly, either.

He lets out a breath, reaching out to squeeze Murphy's shoulder.]

I'm glad you're here, Murphy. No more hiding things from each other. Fair?

[reproached]

[ Murphy does consider it, confessing to all of it. He's already run through it in his head, from a dozen different angles, trying to find a way to explain what he's done without the context of experience to help Bellamy understand.

How could he, though? Murphy himself can barely justify his own thinking. Looking back, he can see every point he should have asked a different question or looked a little closer. When he can't even forgive himself, how can he believe Bellamy will? ]

Fair.

[ He'll come clean eventually, he swears. Just not today. ]

[jettisons]

[Bellamy nods at that. It's something. The old Murphy had a habit of changing his mind if it meant saving his own ass, and they'd always gone back and forth butting heads, but Bellamy's trying to think of this as a new start. In some ways, he has to relearn who Murphy is.

So. Maybe it's a trust exercise. They'll drop this and move on. Speaking of–]

How are you holding up?

[reproached]

Oh, you know. Adjusting to my new reality.

[ Or lack of one. Murphy still isn't totally convinced this isn't the result of his mind drive getting hijacked. He would love to be able to tackle that theory with someone, maybe get a little reassurance that's not the case, but... Too bad. ]

I keep thinking I'll just wake up.

[jettisons]

[He can't really blame Murphy. This place is a trip, and things like the empathy bond or dreamsharing don't really help the sense of unreality. Bellamy had adapted quickly enough, but most of that is down to Clarke.]

Thinking or hoping?

[reproached]

I know better than to hope for anything. That's just how you get disappointed.