[ Keeping it secret hasn't occurred to Murphy any more than making some kind of declaration has. It's never been anyone's business, and as far as he can tell, it's not something anyone would care to hear about. But it's also the very opposite of something he'd consider shameful. He adores Bellamy. Why would he hide that? ]
[Shame isn't something Bellamy is concerned about—it's the complication of Emori, as always, and Bellamy's assumption that maybe Murphy wants to avoid questions. But this quashes that, shifts his perspective a little. While there's still that low background noise of anxiety, the worry about Riverstone that likely won't pass until they have a plan, Murphy has successful calmed him, and the bond hums with affection and contentment.]
I can think of a hell of a lot more you're good at.
[ That's exactly what it means, but Bellamy hasn't fully come to understand that about Clarke, and Murphy doesn't particularly want to say it. His resignation just seeps through the bond, dragging him back toward that earlier foreboding. People will die, and he'll have to kill them, unless Clarke decides he'll serve better as one of the sacrificed. ]
[ Honestly, he does. He fully believes in how much Bellamy cares about him, to the point where it feels kind of terrible, because it's going to hurt Bellamy that much more whenever the choice has to be made. ]
I owe her. And I'm not letting you do whatever this is without me. That's just how it is.
[He appreciates it, he does. He wouldn't let Murphy go into something like this alone, either. It's everything he's getting through the empathy bond—the dread, the resignation, like all of this is decided and it's best to just suck it up and deal. He doesn't want either of them—Clarke or Murphy—to be feeling that sort of hopelessness.]
[Bellamy lets him pull away, frustrated all over again. If he were self-aware, he might realize what he's doing. It's the same as after Mount Weather, or during the black rain—his focus has shifted to making this as easy as possible for everyone but himself. It was true for the sim as well, but just like then, he isn't aware he's doing it. If this goes south, he doesn't know how the hell he can get everyone out of it unphased, emotionally or otherwise. Murphy and Clarke's reactions only make that instinctive need to protect them more acute, and the longer this sits with him, the more he's mentally preparing himself to be forced to choose between them and Rey. Thanks, Lexa. The answer there is obvious, but it still eats at him.
So he leans forward, propping his elbows onto his knees, posture subtly more rigid.]
[ Murphy highly doubts he's on Clarke's priority list. He's sure he'll be the last to hear, and it'll be Bellamy who tells him, but that's okay. He's got a few ideas of his own to work through with Riverstone. As he climbs to his feet, he gives Bellamy's shoulder a light squeeze. ]
I'll be in the bedroom looking real sexy in case you change your mind.
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Now there's a job I might actually be good at.
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I can think of a hell of a lot more you're good at.
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[ Murphy doesn't believe a word of it, but still. That's nice. ]
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Shut up, Murphy.
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What, you're sucking up now?
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[Unfortunately, all those same reasons still stand, although Murphy is lifting his mood.]
You gonna help us come up with a plan?
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[ Murphy doesn't know it for a fact, he just knows it. And a hint of dread sneaks back in with that certainty, cutting through his good mood. ]
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That doesn't mean you don't get a say.
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It doesn't matter. I'm in, either way.
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I don't know what it's going to take for you to believe me.
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[ Honestly, he does. He fully believes in how much Bellamy cares about him, to the point where it feels kind of terrible, because it's going to hurt Bellamy that much more whenever the choice has to be made. ]
I owe her. And I'm not letting you do whatever this is without me. That's just how it is.
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I can feel everything you are, Murphy.
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So he leans forward, propping his elbows onto his knees, posture subtly more rigid.]
I'll tell you as soon as I hear from Clarke.
[If she doesn't grab them both at once.]
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[ Murphy highly doubts he's on Clarke's priority list. He's sure he'll be the last to hear, and it'll be Bellamy who tells him, but that's okay. He's got a few ideas of his own to work through with Riverstone. As he climbs to his feet, he gives Bellamy's shoulder a light squeeze. ]
I'll be in the bedroom looking real sexy in case you change your mind.
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I'll keep it in mind.