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Because people have always been dying to hear what I think. I'm sure the first thing Clarke says every time is, "Let's ask Murphy."

She asked on Strange's post. I've been hearing you out.

[Or trying, anyway. The truth is, six years on the ring or not, the dynamics are different here. Bellamy is used to Murphy holding himself apart, and that's not really an option.]

Right. When she asked me about handling the thing that was already decided before I even got here, and my choices were do it or leave.

[He lets out a soft, frustrated sound.]

She never told you to leave.

She didn't have to.

How much of this is you convincing yourself we're working against you?

[ Murphy scoffs at that. ]

I know you're not working against me.

Really?

[There's a low, disbelieving note to his voice.]

Then what the hell do you think?

[ Murphy sits up and leans in with a humorless smile. ]

I think you want us to be a team and she needs someone to throw to the wolves if they ever show up at the door. Both of you already know what you'll do before you even think about asking me, if you think about me at all. And I can't even blame you. Everyone's got someone they put first. I'm just not that person for anyone.

[Bellamy's expression closes off, his shoulders tensing.]

And you two were a team when you tried to keep me locked up in that bunker.

[It isn't even something he blames either of them for anymore, not really. But this idea Murphy has in his head, that Clarke and Bellamy are always on the same page and Bellamy will always back down when he disagrees, is utterly incomprehensible to him.]

Clarke isn't going to throw you to the wolves. And if she tried, why the hell do you think I'd let her?

[ And here's where the timeline disparity really becomes obvious. ]

You wouldn't have to let her. She knows I'd do it for you. Whatever comes knocking, she knows she can count on me to do something really stupid if it means saving you.

[Well. That's got him struck silent. Saying they were family is one thing, but yet again, hearing things like that out of Murphy's mouth is... different.

The problem is, Bellamy has no idea how to solve this. If he keeps insisting that Clarke doesn't want to hurt him, Murphy will just take it as proof that Bellamy is blindly loyal. He lets out a breath, gaze falling to the bedspread, and shakes his head.]

Why do you think she's got it out for you, Murphy? What am I missing?

I don't think she has it out for me. That's what I'm saying. I'm low priority. I'm not on the list. You're trying to make me belong to something I'm not a part of.

[ And isn't that what Bellamy always does? ]

Why does it matter to you so much? For me to feel like I'm one of you.

Because you are one of us. We all landed on the ground together. We've saved each other's asses more times than I can count.

I can count them. I can count all the times we didn't, too. I couldn't forget those if I tried, and believe me, I have.

[ Banishment isn't so easily brushed off, even after all this time. Landing on the ground together wasn't enough then and it isn't enough now. ]

I'm with you. What more do you need?

[This conversation, like every conversation about this they seem to have, just feels like rubbing salt in the wound. It's impossible to hide his frustration.]

It's not about what I need. It's about what you need.

[ Please chill out, Bellamy. ]

I need another drink.

[Unfortunately for both of them, he's physically incapable of that. Bellamy rolls his eyes, but he's not going to stop Murphy from grabbing the bottle off the floor.]

Great plan.

Hey.

[ Instead of reaching for the bottle, Murphy takes Bellamy's hand. He's sorry. (Maybe disproportionately sorry, for someone who hasn't done much worse than make an ass of himself.) And afraid, as always. ]

You guys are doing right by me. Seriously. I don't need anything.

[He's startled by the sudden contact, and his hand closes around Murphy's reflexively at the rush of fear. By contrast, Bellamy is just frustrated—at the situation, at the botched communication, but most of all, at himself. Clarke and Murphy is all he's got of home here, and somehow he can't even handle this right.]

Would you actually tell me if you did, Murphy?

You're the only person I would tell.

[ Though he's done Bellamy wrong, Murphy loves him fiercely. He's not even trying to hide it, despite the anxiousness that seems to accompany that emotion. Murphy's always one wrong step away from losing everything, and he feels it. ]

You were the only one I had for a long time.

[If Bellamy is honest with himself, it's a little overwhelming. The only other person he's really experienced the empathy bond with in any significant way is Clarke, and everything she felt for him was expected.

The anxiety and fear he's feeling from Murphy is the part he really can't shake, the part he hasn't been able to shake since Murphy got here. He doesn't know how to alleviate it. Maybe he can't. And there's no point hiding his creeping guilt, especially not from Murphy, who now seems able to guess how he'll feel and react with little effort.]

I'm holding you to that.

[ Murphy smirks and squeezes Bellamy's hand, almost like they're shaking on it. He doesn't let go just yet. ]

Did you still wanna see it?

[ Their history. ]

[He's quiet for a moment, considering it. It was Clarke's suggestion, but Bellamy's not sure it'll actually help. In fact, it might just throw him off more.]

Like you said, seeing it isn't the same as living it.

Yeah.

[ A good amount of Murphy's anxiety suddenly lifts in the moment just before he releases Bellamy's hand. ]

We don't need it.

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