[Bellamy lets out a quiet, surprised laugh at that. Of course he wants to, but... he also considers this a crisis, and there's no fun allowed during those.
He sighs, shifting to bury his face in the crook of Murphy's neck, the empathy bond making it clear how torn he is.]
Later?
[He murmurs it softly, running an apologetic hand through Murphy's hair.]
I need to figure this out first.
[And he's sure Lexa and Clarke will be looking for them soon.]
[ But Murphy is neither surprised nor annoyed by that response. In his opinion, they would both benefit by not thinking about this shit until Clarke comes around to give the orders. Bellamy's just not that type of guy anymore.
That said, Murphy draws back in an effort to be less distracting. ]
Well, that's not true. I can think of at least one time.
[ Recently, in fact.
Murphy throws one leg over Bellamy's, keeping pressed up against his side without crawling onto his lap. Giving him some space apparently doesn't mean too much space. ]
[Oh. Better. Much better. Apparently Murphy has no concerns about keeping this—whatever it is they're doing—under wraps, and that was something Bellamy was planning on following his lead on. It's nice, a good thing to know, and so he wraps an arm around Murphy again to keep him close.]
Guess you'll just have to remind me how to have fun more often.
[ Keeping it secret hasn't occurred to Murphy any more than making some kind of declaration has. It's never been anyone's business, and as far as he can tell, it's not something anyone would care to hear about. But it's also the very opposite of something he'd consider shameful. He adores Bellamy. Why would he hide that? ]
[Shame isn't something Bellamy is concerned about—it's the complication of Emori, as always, and Bellamy's assumption that maybe Murphy wants to avoid questions. But this quashes that, shifts his perspective a little. While there's still that low background noise of anxiety, the worry about Riverstone that likely won't pass until they have a plan, Murphy has successful calmed him, and the bond hums with affection and contentment.]
I can think of a hell of a lot more you're good at.
[ That's exactly what it means, but Bellamy hasn't fully come to understand that about Clarke, and Murphy doesn't particularly want to say it. His resignation just seeps through the bond, dragging him back toward that earlier foreboding. People will die, and he'll have to kill them, unless Clarke decides he'll serve better as one of the sacrificed. ]
[ Honestly, he does. He fully believes in how much Bellamy cares about him, to the point where it feels kind of terrible, because it's going to hurt Bellamy that much more whenever the choice has to be made. ]
I owe her. And I'm not letting you do whatever this is without me. That's just how it is.
[He appreciates it, he does. He wouldn't let Murphy go into something like this alone, either. It's everything he's getting through the empathy bond—the dread, the resignation, like all of this is decided and it's best to just suck it up and deal. He doesn't want either of them—Clarke or Murphy—to be feeling that sort of hopelessness.]
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He sighs, shifting to bury his face in the crook of Murphy's neck, the empathy bond making it clear how torn he is.]
Later?
[He murmurs it softly, running an apologetic hand through Murphy's hair.]
I need to figure this out first.
[And he's sure Lexa and Clarke will be looking for them soon.]
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[ But Murphy is neither surprised nor annoyed by that response. In his opinion, they would both benefit by not thinking about this shit until Clarke comes around to give the orders. Bellamy's just not that type of guy anymore.
That said, Murphy draws back in an effort to be less distracting. ]
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I've never been fun.
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[ Recently, in fact.
Murphy throws one leg over Bellamy's, keeping pressed up against his side without crawling onto his lap. Giving him some space apparently doesn't mean too much space. ]
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Guess you'll just have to remind me how to have fun more often.
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Now there's a job I might actually be good at.
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I can think of a hell of a lot more you're good at.
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[ Murphy doesn't believe a word of it, but still. That's nice. ]
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Shut up, Murphy.
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What, you're sucking up now?
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[Unfortunately, all those same reasons still stand, although Murphy is lifting his mood.]
You gonna help us come up with a plan?
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[ Murphy doesn't know it for a fact, he just knows it. And a hint of dread sneaks back in with that certainty, cutting through his good mood. ]
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That doesn't mean you don't get a say.
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It doesn't matter. I'm in, either way.
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I don't know what it's going to take for you to believe me.
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[ Honestly, he does. He fully believes in how much Bellamy cares about him, to the point where it feels kind of terrible, because it's going to hurt Bellamy that much more whenever the choice has to be made. ]
I owe her. And I'm not letting you do whatever this is without me. That's just how it is.
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I can feel everything you are, Murphy.
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