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[reproached]

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[reproached]

[ He wants to simply deny that outright. Not because it's untrue, but because there's nothing Bellamy can really do about it. Not that it'll stop him from trying, Murphy knows. ]

Watching a few home movies isn't the same thing as being there. We can take a trip down memory lane if that's what you wanna do, but I am not asking you to be the same Bellamy I knew. That's not something I need from you, okay? It's already gone.

[jettisons]

[Somehow, that doesn't help. That idea of it already being gone twists inside him, and it flickers across his face for an instant.]

What do you need from me?

[reproached]

[ It shouldn't surprise him that Bellamy asks that, and yet. ]

Nothing.

[ Bound to be an unsatisfactory answer. ]

I'll just get over it. And you'll keep being who you are. You know, this isn't exactly new to me.

[jettisons]

[Judging from the look Bellamy gives him, it's absolutely not a satisfactory answer.]

What's that supposed to mean?

[reproached]

It means I don't need anyone.

[jettisons]

[So that's where they're at.]

That's crap, Murphy.

[reproached]

I'm letting you off the hook, alright? You can just say thanks and stop worrying about it. I'll be fine.

[jettisons]

That's what you think I want? To be let off the hook?

[reproached]

No, you want to make it better.

[jettisons]

[Okay, that... nailed it, and Bellamy is momentarily thrown by how accurately he's been called out.]

I don't want you thinking you're on your own here.

[reproached]

Bellamy...

[ Murphy sighs and rolls over, as if this entire conversation has already exhausted him. ]

I'm still here, aren't I?

[jettisons]

[Bellamy sets the bottle on the floor with a thunk that's a hair too aggressive, turning as Murphy does.]

You're here, but you don't think you have any say.

[reproached]

Because people have always been dying to hear what I think. I'm sure the first thing Clarke says every time is, "Let's ask Murphy."

[jettisons]

She asked on Strange's post. I've been hearing you out.

[Or trying, anyway. The truth is, six years on the ring or not, the dynamics are different here. Bellamy is used to Murphy holding himself apart, and that's not really an option.]

[reproached]

Right. When she asked me about handling the thing that was already decided before I even got here, and my choices were do it or leave.

[jettisons]

[He lets out a soft, frustrated sound.]

She never told you to leave.

[reproached]

She didn't have to.

[jettisons]

How much of this is you convincing yourself we're working against you?

[reproached]

[ Murphy scoffs at that. ]

I know you're not working against me.

[jettisons]

Really?

[There's a low, disbelieving note to his voice.]

Then what the hell do you think?

[reproached]

[ Murphy sits up and leans in with a humorless smile. ]

I think you want us to be a team and she needs someone to throw to the wolves if they ever show up at the door. Both of you already know what you'll do before you even think about asking me, if you think about me at all. And I can't even blame you. Everyone's got someone they put first. I'm just not that person for anyone.

[jettisons]

[Bellamy's expression closes off, his shoulders tensing.]

And you two were a team when you tried to keep me locked up in that bunker.

[It isn't even something he blames either of them for anymore, not really. But this idea Murphy has in his head, that Clarke and Bellamy are always on the same page and Bellamy will always back down when he disagrees, is utterly incomprehensible to him.]

Clarke isn't going to throw you to the wolves. And if she tried, why the hell do you think I'd let her?

[reproached]

[ And here's where the timeline disparity really becomes obvious. ]

You wouldn't have to let her. She knows I'd do it for you. Whatever comes knocking, she knows she can count on me to do something really stupid if it means saving you.

[jettisons]

[Well. That's got him struck silent. Saying they were family is one thing, but yet again, hearing things like that out of Murphy's mouth is... different.

The problem is, Bellamy has no idea how to solve this. If he keeps insisting that Clarke doesn't want to hurt him, Murphy will just take it as proof that Bellamy is blindly loyal. He lets out a breath, gaze falling to the bedspread, and shakes his head.]

Why do you think she's got it out for you, Murphy? What am I missing?

[reproached]

I don't think she has it out for me. That's what I'm saying. I'm low priority. I'm not on the list. You're trying to make me belong to something I'm not a part of.

[ And isn't that what Bellamy always does? ]

Why does it matter to you so much? For me to feel like I'm one of you.