[And he knows reiterating that they're in this together and will figure it out won't help. Murphy knows that. There's still too much uncertainty and loss of control.]
[At some point, Bellamy knows they're going to have to figure out what they're actually doing here and what all of this means. Right now, though, he's perfectly content to kiss Murphy back, slow and soft, hand coming up to cup his cheek.]
[ There's no better cure for Murphy's anxiety. Everything that was knocked askew by his panic settles - at least temporarily - into the kind of tranquility that comes with knowing he won't be facing anything alone. Bellamy is with him. In more ways than one, maybe.
He relishes the moment. And when the kiss finally breaks, he rests his forehead against Bellamy's, fingers combing through his curls. ]
[He doesn't pull back or even so much as move, just soaks in the contact. The past few days, he's been fighting the constant urge to reach for Murphy. He's not entirely sure what the expectations are, but now that they're here, he wants to linger.]
[ Nothing about that statement, coming from Bellamy, should surprise Murphy by now. Some version of it accompanied every pep talk Bellamy ever gave him on the Ring. And it's not like he doesn't recognize what Bellamy feels for him every time they touch.
Hearing it now, though, sends a pang straight to Murphy's heart. There's a part of him that will never believe he belongs anywhere, and evidence to the contrary will never not shake him. ]
I'm glad I stayed.
[ He's halfway into another kiss even as he says the words, his lips brushing up against Bellamy's. ]
[That little pang makes Bellamy's chest ache. He wonders if Murphy will ever move past that assumption that he's the least vital to any group he's in, or if it'll always be there in the back of his head, like Bellamy's guilt.
If he needs to remind Murphy of the truth every single day, he will, and this seems like a decent place to start. Bellamy slips his hand back to cradle the nape of Murphy's neck, urging him closer.]
[ Murphy gives in eagerly, with a fervent kiss. He's sorry Bellamy ever has to feel his doubt, but he can feel this, too: the relief of the reminder, the warmth it sends through him. If Murphy can't feel entirely safe anywhere, he does at least feel safest here.
He doesn't fully break away when he whispers a suggestion: ]
[Bellamy lets out a quiet, surprised laugh at that. Of course he wants to, but... he also considers this a crisis, and there's no fun allowed during those.
He sighs, shifting to bury his face in the crook of Murphy's neck, the empathy bond making it clear how torn he is.]
Later?
[He murmurs it softly, running an apologetic hand through Murphy's hair.]
I need to figure this out first.
[And he's sure Lexa and Clarke will be looking for them soon.]
[ But Murphy is neither surprised nor annoyed by that response. In his opinion, they would both benefit by not thinking about this shit until Clarke comes around to give the orders. Bellamy's just not that type of guy anymore.
That said, Murphy draws back in an effort to be less distracting. ]
Well, that's not true. I can think of at least one time.
[ Recently, in fact.
Murphy throws one leg over Bellamy's, keeping pressed up against his side without crawling onto his lap. Giving him some space apparently doesn't mean too much space. ]
[Oh. Better. Much better. Apparently Murphy has no concerns about keeping this—whatever it is they're doing—under wraps, and that was something Bellamy was planning on following his lead on. It's nice, a good thing to know, and so he wraps an arm around Murphy again to keep him close.]
Guess you'll just have to remind me how to have fun more often.
[ Keeping it secret hasn't occurred to Murphy any more than making some kind of declaration has. It's never been anyone's business, and as far as he can tell, it's not something anyone would care to hear about. But it's also the very opposite of something he'd consider shameful. He adores Bellamy. Why would he hide that? ]
[Shame isn't something Bellamy is concerned about—it's the complication of Emori, as always, and Bellamy's assumption that maybe Murphy wants to avoid questions. But this quashes that, shifts his perspective a little. While there's still that low background noise of anxiety, the worry about Riverstone that likely won't pass until they have a plan, Murphy has successful calmed him, and the bond hums with affection and contentment.]
I can think of a hell of a lot more you're good at.
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[And he knows reiterating that they're in this together and will figure it out won't help. Murphy knows that. There's still too much uncertainty and loss of control.]
What can I do?
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[ Since they have a little privacy for now, Murphy tucks his face against Bellamy's neck and brushes a soft kiss there. ]
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You need higher standards, Murphy.
[It's not self-deprecating though, just teasing.]
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[ As soon as his hand is free, he reaches for Bellamy's face and directs him in for a proper kiss. ]
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He relishes the moment. And when the kiss finally breaks, he rests his forehead against Bellamy's, fingers combing through his curls. ]
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I'm glad you're here, Murphy.
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Hearing it now, though, sends a pang straight to Murphy's heart. There's a part of him that will never believe he belongs anywhere, and evidence to the contrary will never not shake him. ]
I'm glad I stayed.
[ He's halfway into another kiss even as he says the words, his lips brushing up against Bellamy's. ]
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If he needs to remind Murphy of the truth every single day, he will, and this seems like a decent place to start. Bellamy slips his hand back to cradle the nape of Murphy's neck, urging him closer.]
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He doesn't fully break away when he whispers a suggestion: ]
Bed?
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He sighs, shifting to bury his face in the crook of Murphy's neck, the empathy bond making it clear how torn he is.]
Later?
[He murmurs it softly, running an apologetic hand through Murphy's hair.]
I need to figure this out first.
[And he's sure Lexa and Clarke will be looking for them soon.]
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[ But Murphy is neither surprised nor annoyed by that response. In his opinion, they would both benefit by not thinking about this shit until Clarke comes around to give the orders. Bellamy's just not that type of guy anymore.
That said, Murphy draws back in an effort to be less distracting. ]
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I've never been fun.
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[ Recently, in fact.
Murphy throws one leg over Bellamy's, keeping pressed up against his side without crawling onto his lap. Giving him some space apparently doesn't mean too much space. ]
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Guess you'll just have to remind me how to have fun more often.
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Now there's a job I might actually be good at.
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I can think of a hell of a lot more you're good at.
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[ Murphy doesn't believe a word of it, but still. That's nice. ]
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Shut up, Murphy.
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What, you're sucking up now?
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