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[ Murphy loops his arms around Bellamy's waist, settling up against him. He returns the gesture with a kiss to Bellamy's jaw, and despite his general uneasiness, the strongest emotion that's radiating from him is trust. He feels safe right now, grateful that Bellamy came to him, sorry for doubting him earlier. ]

I don't feel alone with you.

Good.

[He's more relaxed now and clearly relieved, but the conversation isn't quite over yet.]

So why do you have to be the one to 'sell your soul'?

[ Murphy lays his cheek on Bellamy's shoulder. ]

Is that a trick question?

No. I want to know how you feel about it.

I'm the one who has to because I'm the one who will.

Are you fine with that? Does it bother you?

[Because those choices bother Bellamy every single day.]

Bothers me less than dying. Or letting you die.

I don't know how you brush it off like that.

[It isn't a value judgment. Bellamy just can't wrap his mind around it.]

[ It sounds like a value judgment. ]

I guess I'm broken.

That isn't what I mean, Murphy.

[ He's pretty sure it is, but that's okay. ]

It's easy. I think about what my life would be like without you.

I mean I really think about it. You know those first few seconds right after something terrible happens, and it's too late to undo it, and all you can think about is if only, if only?

I just do that part ahead of time and I pick an if only.

I get it.

[And he really does. Despite all the guilt he feels for irradiating Mount Weather with Clarke and Monty, the second he saw Raven and Octavia about to die on those monitors, there was no decision to make. It was the only choice. Even massacring the army had been the same thought process, even if he hates himself for that.

Maybe Murphy is more flexible about the choices he makes, but it's still the same mindset. The thing that trips up Bellamy is the betrayal aspect.]

It'd be nice if we caught a break, huh?

Plan A is still an option, you know.

[ And maybe that's betrayal of a different kind, but it seems like one that Bellamy might be able to live with. ]

We could leave right now. You and me. Just walk out there and disappear.

[It's not, although Bellamy doesn't react as intensely this time. He just kisses the top of Murphy's head and tightens his grip.]

Just us, huh?

If Clarke doesn't wanna come with us, that's her choice.

[ It's just a daydream. Murphy knows Bellamy would never leave Clarke. Neither of them would. ]

We'll just wait all of this out. Find a quiet little place. Eat amazing food and murder zero people.

[ He turns his face up and reaches for Bellamy's chin, to bring him close enough to kiss while not quite going for it. ]

Just picture it.

[Of course they wouldn't, but somewhere safe is all he really wants. Somewhere they can just live instead of constantly waiting for the next betrayal or disaster, and this entire thing is making him more unsure about Clarke's plan to bring their people here. Would it be better? Now that this Riverstone situation has hammered home how precarious their position is, he doesn't even know anymore.

But pretending is nice. He can let himself do that, even if just for a few seconds. Bellamy closes that distance and rests his forehead against Murphy's. The conversation has calmed him down, and so his anxiety and frustration is just at a usual low level hum. He's too focused on Murphy to let it be anything else, and that hint of longing makes how he feels about this obvious enough.]

We got a good start on the zero murder streak.

[ Murphy laughs, a spark of warmth that rises up so fast it surprises even him. There's still a rueful edge to his mood, mostly thanks to his ever-present awareness that the only way they can feel anything close to hopeful is by lying to each other about a life they'll never have. It's evened out by the fact that Bellamy's even speaking to him, holding him. ]

Yeah, we're doing awesome.

[ He gives Bellamy an affectionate nuzzle, palm cradling his face like he wants to make sure he can't escape. ]

[Bellamy lets out a quiet huff of a laugh. Judging by the way he closes his eyes, he doesn't have any intentions of moving away.]

So, what? You want to go past the wall? Live in the woods again?

Don't you?

[ Murphy kisses the corner of his mouth. ]

I know how to survive out there a hell of a lot better than I do in this city.

[He hums, considering that, hand coming up to cradle the back of Murphy's head.]

It'd be better than dealing with these crowds.

And the noise...

[ He brushes a kiss over Bellamy's lips without lingering. Just a suggestion. ]

[Bellamy closes that gap again, kissing Murphy softly for a drawn out second.]

What about everyone back home?

[Way to kill the mood, whatever mood they had going.]

[ It'll take more than that to kill the mood, though Murphy pulls it back a little. ]

It sounds like they're safer there than they would be here.

[ At least Sanctum was under their control. ]

[Bellamy lets his hand shift forward to cup Murphy's cheek instead.]

That's not what I mean.

[ Thinking about Emori, as long as they're indefinitely separated, will always cut like a knife. But the worst of that pain is dulled as long as he's in Bellamy's arms, and if he's expecting some kind of guilt for that on Murphy's part, there isn't any. ]

So what do you mean?

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